2014 was not my best year. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say that 2014 felt like the last few rounds of the first Rocky movie without the inspiring soundtrack. I was just a gal getting knocked around in the ring waiting for the bell. So, 2014, all I've got to say is: don't let the door hit you in the ass.
2015 just has to be better. . . has to. I'm naturally inclined towards optimism, so I'm going to give the new year the benefit of the doubt. I've had a few days to rest, clear my slate and get organized. One more day until the calendar flips to January 1, 2015. The bell will ring again. It's a new match. I plan to come out of my corner swinging.
I'm going for a knockout this year. It's time to figure out how to get multiple sclerosis out of my ring. Honestly, in the metaphor department, living with MS is really more like running a marathon than a boxing. Being "chronic" means that you go on with it mile after mile after mile after mile. I've run with it for so long now--decades--and I'm tired. I'm like Forrest Gump. I'm ready to turn around and go home. It's time.
If I sound a little desperate to you, that's fine. I am a little desperate. I'm also a little pissed and a lot sad and even more frustrated. Call me crazy to think I can will a solution--maybe even "a cure"--into existence, but if crazy helps me feel even a little better, then I'll take crazy. Crazy is just fine. And it won't seem so crazy if it works. If it works it will be brilliant. And if it doesn't work, nothing will be lost.
But something about the year ahead will work. I will begin the protocol outlined by Dr. Terry Wahls, a physician with MS who fought back from a wheelchair using diet and exercise. Today she seems perfectly fine--perhaps "cured." She's a compelling case study. Her protocol is sensible and it can't hurt me. I may turn green from eating kale, but even if it doesn't improve my walking, I'll still be so healthy at the end of the year that I'll get a gold star on my year-end physical. (Face it, we're all suckers for gold stars.) I'll be happy with a gold star knowing I'm giving it my best shot.
I hope by sharing my experience with reshaping my diet and putting in the time to make myself the healthiest, happiest person I can be, I will somehow inspire someone, somewhere to stick with it and keep trying. I promise to be honest about every step. I will tell you the way it really feels to be rolling this stone up the hill...again. The other day, my son joked that I am the "Sisyphus of Cleaning". He had that right on several levels. My efforts at domestic clutter control may seem like a thankless, sometimes futile endeavor, but it has to be done. Such is true for my fight with MS. I didn't pick this fight but it has to be fought. I have no choice.
Nonetheless, some days I feel defeated and on the verge of losing my will to fight. MS can mess with your head that way. It's always knocking you down and then yelling at you to get up. I can work my ass off for months to get stronger--steadily making progress--only to get the flu, spend a week in bed, and then have to start all over again at square one, or worse. With MS there is no "bouncing back." Nature doesn't give me a hand up and brush me off.
So as I look ahead to 2015, I'm brushing myself off and pulling myself together. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. . . . but whatever comes, bring it on. Just ring the damn bell. Let's do this.
(c) Copyright Samantha Guerry. All Rights Reserved.